Is there a God/what do I believe in?

I was (technically still am) catholic for my entire life. I wasn’t raised in a strict way or anything but I was told to believe in the afterlife and in God, who oversaw all our actions and who’d be generous and good. I was a believer though I defenitly had doubts – althoug they didn’t stop me from genereally believing in the so portraied “bigger picture” . I like the thought that my ancistors would be in heaven looking down at me and being proud to see who I was. The problem (if there ever was one) would start with myself. When I got into philosophy for the first time I got in touch with well renown questions such as ‘What’s the meaning of life’ or ‘What happens when we’re dead’ and such. These sorts of questions among other things such as my early adolescence let me to aks myself whether this world, the universe and all other beings were created and wanted by God. But why is there so much wrong and how would this all even work out really? I tried to find answers to those questions with the help of philosophy. This is also why I have created this section; to talk about my findings and final (or maybe just temporary who knows) conclusions.
All this made me slowly change my view on the world as I know it. It didn’t happen in a day or a month or any specific timeframe, it was a process of re-evaluation that is still ongoing to this very moment. Coming to a conclusions whether I believe in God or not I would say that I mostly came of the believe though there are still moments when I somewhat do. Believing in something bigger has helped many people find meaning in their lives and it has helped them develop and get structure. My final standpoint is that I can’t tell if there’s a God or not, but if there were one like the God in the catholic church then I would like that. Although I started doubting many things I still like to believe. I like to believe that my grandparents are in heaven looking down at me. I would like there to be something similar to the afterlife that’s being believed in the catholic church. I wouldn’t mind that. But the confidence to say that there’s a God or that there isn’t one isn’t a thing for me since I can’t tell. In my eyes the world is an uncertain place, where things are possible that no one would ever believe were going to be possible. I bow down to the uncertain nature of the universe and don’t believe in any godlike being or supernatural entity – nor do I deny the possibility of there being one.