I don’t know but it feels like I’m at the point of making one of the most important decisions I have ever made. I am honestly scared of it’s outcome but I have this feeling deep down that’s just ever growing of getting out of the mondane 8-16 day life that I am or rather was living just recently. I still am in that situation but I don’t feel like continueing anymore. Life just seems like it has so much more to offer than what I have right now and the pain to gain ration seems ever more unattractive since I feel like it’s becoming less and less barebal.
All I want to do is to be free, be free of the struggle I live with right now and the struggle I have been living with for basically the past 6 or 7 years now – I am thinking of quitting school. I really am scared of what will come when I quit and especially the how part since I might be taking away a lot of options from myself if I ever decide on wanting to go study.
Right now it just feels like there is nothing I’d rather do than to quit school though it is easier said than done. I don’t want to live this lie of a life – I don’t want to waste my time with something that just makes me unhappy and is a burden all of the time that I have to somehow live through. There is nothing – nothing I’d like to do rather than to just quit right now and right here where I am. This might turn out to be a stupid choice or it may actually downright be a really stupid choice but I don’t care.
I don’t want to overthink it. I don’t want to overthink like I did with so many things in the past that will just end up ruining my situation even more than if I had just went with the first thing that came to my mind.
A few months ago, heck even a few weeks ago I was certain that I want to graduate with my Abitur but that has changed. I now feel like anything but that (yes I’d still theoretically like that but it’s as if a drug addict is telling that he’d like to quit) it won’t work out the way I want it to work out – it not often does so in life or does it?
I still don’t even know how to adress the problem of me wanting to quit but not knowing the important W-Questions. If there is a god out there or anything supernatural that can help me out right now and change my situation for the better please do so as I feel terrible these last couple of days
